笑话精选

能缩能伸

After sixty years, a Rabbi decides to retire. Taking the box of foreskins he has collected over the years of doing circumcisions, he goes to a leather goods manufacturer and says to the man, "Can you do anything with these?"

The man says, "No problem, come back in two weeks."

After two weeks the Rabbi returns to the shop, and is presented with a wallet. In total dismay, he says to the craftsman, "After sixty years, the best you can do is a wallet?"

The man replies, "Don't worry, just rub it a few times and it will grow into a suitcase."

啊人生

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

PHC

才发现reddit上有个PornhubComments的频道:https://www.reddit.com/r/PornhubComments/

专门发Pornhub上的评论,其中有这样一条:

青年问禅师英文版

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher: "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated."

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

数羊

This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths.

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, " And the dog barked ten times. "OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. " And the dog barked twenty times. "He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. " "Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "

左勾

Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.

无题

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence.

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.”

让子弹飞

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

一个包袱颇多的笑话

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "There is a cheaper option," said the vet. "Go home, find yourself a cherry bomb, light it up and put it in a Coors Lite can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

“I ain't no rocket surgeon," said the redneck, "but how's that gonna help me?"

“Trust me” said the vet.

无题两则

G'day mate, Aussie Helpline... what's the problem?

I'm in Darwin with me missus. She's been stung in the cunt, now her pussy has completely shut!

Bummer.

Thanks mate. Didn't think of that.

***********************************************************************************

Australians don't have sex...

Australians mate.

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